Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Nutmeg the Bully

"You're picky," The Dog told me.

"I'm sensitive," I said, "and besides, it's true.  Nutmeg is the playground bully of spices."

"Okay, you've got me.  Explain."

"As soon as nutmeg makes its way into any dish, it walks around to all the other flavors, kicking them in the shins, making them feel miserable, until whenever you taste the dish all you can think is 'nutmeg has been here,' and then you're as miserable as the food you just ate."

"You're picky," The Dog told me.

But I'm not.  I'm sensitive.

--Pete

7 comments:

  1. Pete, you have to make distinctions because you are you. Now, if anyone else told me "Nutmeg is the playground bully of spices," I would assume he meant that nutmeg is a strong spice that overpowers the presence of other spices in a dish. With you, however, I have to ask. Is that what you mean, or do you mean that Nutmeg literally goes around kicking other spices in the shins, that spices do in fact HAVE shins, and that food is capable of feeling unhappy? Please clarify. (And FYI, Cumin could kick Nutmeg's ass.)

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  2. Dear Ms. Rabbit,

    You take things too literally.

    Sincerely,
    Pete

    p.s. Cumin? Please. Find yourself a real spice, then come talk to me.

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  3. Pete,
    You just told us yesterday that ice cream is a scam because it opens a portal in your innards to let in ridiculous amounts of calories from a microscopic Russian country that imploded. Today you tell us that Nutmeg kicks other spices in the shins. And you think I take things too literally? Dude. Don't mess with my suspension of disbelief. One day you ask me to suspend it, the next day you're telling me not to suspend it so easily. I do not appreciate the duplicity.

    Much affection,
    Rabbit

    P.S. Cumin would like Nutmeg to meet him behind the bleachers after school.

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  4. NUTMEG V. CUMIN:

    Nutmeg: In low doses, nutmeg produces no noticeable physiological or neurological response. Large doses can be dangerous (potentially inducing convulsions, palpitations, nausea, eventual dehydration, and generalized body pain).[4] In large amounts it is reputed to be a strong deliriant.[5] Users report both negative and positive experiences, involving strong hallucinations, and in some cases quite severe anxiety. Users may feel a sensation of blood rushing to the head, or a strong euphoria and dissociation.[citation needed] Nutmeg contains myristicin, a weak monoamine oxidase inhibitor.
    Speculative comparisons between the effects of nutmeg intoxication and MDMA (or 'ecstasy') have been made.[6] However, nutmeg contains amphetamine derivatives and such are formed in the body of a significant number of people from the main chemical components of nutmeg.[7] Use of nutmeg as a recreational drug is unpopular due to its unpleasant taste and its possible negative side effects, including dizziness, flushes, dry mouth, accelerated heartbeat, temporary constipation, difficulty in urination, nausea, and panic. In addition, experiences usually last well over 24 hours making recreational use rather impractical.

    Cumin: Cumin is said to help in treatment of the common cold, when added to hot milk and consumed. In South Asia, cumin tea (dry seeds boiled in hot water) is used to distinguish false labour (due to gas) from real labour.
    In Sri Lanka, toasting cumin seeds and then boiling them in water makes a tea used to soothe acute stomach problems.

    ... I'm going to have to side with science; nutmeg kicks cumin's ass ... anybody for a nutmeg party at my house tonight? :D

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  5. Sorry, citation is good-old-always-reliable Wikipedia.com

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  6. Actually, Wikipedia is the origin of science, but I'll have to explain in a full post.

    --Pete

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