Another short story contest this year, and here's my entry as it stands, finished around an hour ago. I have until the 13th to turn it in, so if anyone feels like giving feedback before then, don't hold back.
As usual, the feedback that is most helpful is:
1. What didn't work for you.
2. If I lost you, and where.
3. What things you couldn't believe.
4. Anything that was unclear.
It's my job to figure out how to fix it (and how to get rid of 28 words).
If you want to read it simply to enjoy it, that is great, too.
--Andrew
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"one-eyed children with a thing for glitter," is my FAVE. Also LOVED, "So if he doesn’t do any of that, what exactly is the ‘man’s role’ in all this?”
ReplyDelete“I would think it was obvious,” said Richard. “He worries.” :)
As with the mint chocolate-chip, I will never be able to look at another snow-person the same way again. Snow zombies! If you write a story about Santa--my Christmases may be permanently scarred. :)
Is that a challenge?
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't taunt Drew, Michelle. He will take your favorite things and twist them until they are horrible! Either that, or he'll just write them into a fantastic story or blog post. So taunt at your own risk.
ReplyDeleteSome comments on Spring Child:
ReplyDeleteThe originality of the idea is a strong point. You just don't read a lot of stories about altruistic spirits possessing snow sculptures and causing all kinds of violent mayhem to rain down upon snow demons attacking a house in which a human mother is about to give birth. As a reader, it's outrageous, weird, and wonderful to be presented with such a scene. I love the juxtapositions of strong/fragile and good/violent that exist within the snowpeople. They are tough! (But they melt like a snowball in Helsinki.) They are the good guys! (But they are breaking apart heads, slicing bodies up with pieces of sheet metal, and blow-torching other sentient snow creatures. You don't even really NEED a battle royale for conflict, but you get that, too. I also love the contrast between the great, epic cause of saving the Spring Child, and the various other agendas that are so much less noble, but so very human. Liz's desire to see David, for instance, and her annoyance that Theresa get's to visit her home so soon after becoming a snow-soldier. I love love LOVE the hug that Liz and David share, it is so bittersweet and so REAL. I think you could do some tightening up, clarify a few things (as we discussed last night), but on the whole a very fresh, interesting bit of reading that addresses some exceptionally sad issues without becoming trite or sentimental. Drew's recipe for creating poignant human drama without sappiness? Well, it's obvious, really: simply trade in your good-looking hero and heroine for a couple of weird-looking snowpeople and have at it. Love it, Drew.
Perfecto bot wishes to apologize for typos and mistakes above. Argh. Thank you, that is all.
ReplyDeleteOkay, that wasn't all -- I have one more comment: I think it a very great accomplishment that you have succeeded in creating a believable romantic relationship between two snowpeople. I mean, there is no physical chemistry or sexual tension, there is not even the possibility of a real embrace, and yet it is a connection beyond those things (yet still more than friendship), and a relationship worthy of championing. Nice one, Drew.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the comment about what the father's role is--was magic. It was my first magic Drew moment! Wait--that doesn't sound good. I don't know how else to explain a magic moment, other than it's a melding of perfect timing and the perfect words and it's epiphanical--I just made that word up. But,it kind of deserves a new word.
ReplyDelete